Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned.
—Marianne Williamson
I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
—Jay Leno
Some of you might find this a little hard to believe—I do not support Valentine’s Day. There is something that happens to us, a madness of sorts; those that are single become depressed, angry, and vow to revenge their new sworn enemies…the couple. They are convinced that they are unloveable, will never be loved, and are less worthy then those in relationships. Couples fall into one of two categories: the Fantastical Fantasy Seeker® and the Pressure Panicked Partner®. The Fantasy Seeker has built up the day or night into an epic romantic happening. One of two outcomes are to be expected: the great disappointment, since no one could live up to the fantasy; or the “why can’t it always be that way” letdown. The night goes off without a hitch. It goes beyond our wildest expectation, but then the next day…back to reality. Over the years it has been my observation that the fantasy suddenly becomes the new expectation of our partner. “You did it then, why can’t you do it now,” can be heard echoing throughout relationships everywhere. We have placed our partner in a position where we expect something that is not sustainable. We now feel the relationship is not good enough. We have seen our fantasy, daily life is our fantasy, and we are now unhappy. Oh, and my heart goes out to the Pressured Partner who will expend all of their energy to have everything be perfect. When their efforts are not received as they had hoped, they often feel a sense of failure in disappointing their partner. They feel unloved and underappreciated. As my good friend Allen says, (especially when he wants to get me to laugh), “This has got disaster written all over it.”
Love is every moment of life. Whether you are single or a member of a partnership, Love is a state of being that exists in everything we do, every moment we live. It is not a feeling that is reserved for a certain person on a certain day. If that is the way it is viewed, there is a greater issue here—we do not understand anything about Love. As far as romance is concerned, it is the gift of creative expression that we share with the universe in celebration of the sacredness and intimacy of our lives. Those moments are between the universe and us. If we invite someone else to that party, great, but that party is still thrown no matter who is showing up for that celebration is the recognition of life!
Most people do not really know how Valentine’s Day got started or its history. Valentine’s Day developed under the Roman Christian Church around 325 A.D. to put a stop to a pagan holiday known as Lupercalia. Lupercalia was celebrated on February 15 in ancient Rome to appease the god Lupercus, in order to protect livestock and crops, especially from wolves. The “festival of sexual license” included young girls whose names were picked from a bowl by boys who subsequently claimed them for a year for sex, sacrifices of animals, and the flogging of women to insure fertility. The feast of Saint Valentine, named for one of several martyred saints of ancient Rome, was first decreed in 496 A.D., but February 14 and Love weren’t associated with the holiday until the 14th century. That is when the poet Geoffrey Chaucer is credited with inventing its legends, traditions, and the characteristics of Saint Valentine. In 1969 the saint’s feast day was removed from the church calendar for being viewed as purely legendary in origin.
Cupid, the poster child for Valentine’s Day, whose Latin name (Cupere) means desire, was the son of Venus (if Roman), or Aphrodite (if Greek). What most people do not know is that mythology describes Cupid as being happy and cruel. He would shoot his arrows at unsuspecting men and women so that they would fall in Love, not for the sake of spreading Love but to drive them crazy with passion and make their lives miserable, so he could have a good laugh at the insanity he created.
I believe that we have elevated Valentine’s Day to the point where we have lost sight of its heart. Every day should be Valentine’s Day. We do not honor Love by giving it a day, but by giving it every day.
Here is how we can make every day Valentine’s Day, romantic, passionate, and Filled with Love. Together or alone, celebrate Love!
• See Love, hear Love, speak Love. There are endless examples of Love in our daily lives, moments of kindness that we have the opportunity to show, or that are shown to us; moments of beauty, opportunities to express thanks, gratitude, and appreciation. Slow down for a moment and take life in. Take the time to really experience another person, or allow yourself to really be seen. Speak the kindness and the Love you feel. Tell people how you feel about them and why, what makes them special to you. When someone tells you how they feel, how special you are to them, take a breath, listen, and take it in.
• Do special things. Dinner, vacations, movies, museums, lectures, concerts, a night in a hotel, blowing bubbles, fishing—whatever is special to you or you both. When we give ourselves treats that put a little spin in our day, we make our day a little more memorable, special, set it apart from the rest, and say I am invested in you and in life.
• Give gifts. Anything that is given from our heart, to ourselves or another, is a gift. A note, chocolates, flowers, or anything else can be given anytime. I believe in giving gifts often, for no reason except that it feels good to give and to receive.
• Create romance. Candlelight, music, bubble baths, clothing and bedsheets made of pleasurable materials, a picnic on the floor, and the Moon can be enjoyed alone or with someone. They are all ways of celebrating all that is sensual about life.
What happens on Valentine’s Day does not define you. It does not define Love. You are special, seen, and Loved. Live it.
Live in Love!®
©2008 Erika Morrell