The Soul Mate Medium

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
—Lao Tzu

I have to be honest, fall is my favorite time of year. I love the fall. It’s a time of renewal for me. I have always looked at fall as a time to let go. Perhaps since I grew up on the East Coast, I envision myself as a tree whose leaves turn beautiful colors, the last glorious moment of existence to show all of what they are, and then fall to the ground. I drop the “leaves” of my life, the parts of my life that I am finished with, have outgrown, and that simply do not serve me anymore. Thoughts or belief systems that hold me back from my greatness are released. It is freeing.
Many times we hold beliefs about ourselves—who we are, our likes and dislikes, what is acceptable to us and not. While these understandings about ourselves and how we move through the world are all well and good, they ultimately limit what we know and think and how big we can dream. When we are willing to let go of all of our preconceived ideas about ourselves, we leave ourselves open to the universe providing us with something “beyond our wildest dreams.” We become who we are at a deeper level, we become more of who we are.
The same is true of our relationships. At some point a decision was made. We decided what we feel we want. We decided what we think will make us happy. We decided what shape our relationship will have to take to provide us with what we want. This leaves a very small margin of error for our partner, who for the most part is unaware of our decisions and has made their own decisions. In this scenario, which I have heard about from my clients so many times, the relationship ceases to be about freedom and starts to be about control. We are unavailable to see how our desires are being met because they do not take shape as we think they should in order to make us “happy.” We feel the need to start telling our partner how they need to behave in order for us to be happy. At this point we spend our time looking for how our partner does or does not do what we have asked. We spend our time feeling frustrated, hurt, and wondering what we are going to do about the situation, instead of spending our time seeing that we are getting what would make us happy.
We have limited ourselves and our relationship. Our fantasy, experiences, and history have dictated how things “need” to be. We are not living in the moment, in what the relationship is. We are missing the uniqueness of the relationship, the beauty of what it is. We are not able to see or, more important, feel all it provides for us.
We can have a relationship that provides for us “beyond our wildest dreams” if we can just let go. If we can allow ourselves to let go of our expectations, let go of how we think things “should” be, let go of how we believe love is expressed, let go of what we believe love is and how it works, let go of needing proof that the relationship is good. Just let it all go.
Most of us are afraid to let go in our relationship. We are afraid that if we stop working so hard or stop trying to control it, we will lose it. In reality, it is quite the opposite. A flower needs room to grow and bloom, and so does a relationship. If you try to pull up a flower to have it grow faster, change its direction of growth, or force it open to bloom on your timetable, you will kill it. A flower knows what do to grow big and beautiful, and so does your relationship. Left to its own devices, timing, experiences, and love, the relationship will grow and provide both partners with what they want and need. By now you may be asking, how do I let go? I am glad you asked.
How to let go:
• Do nothing. There is really nothing to do. Just be.
• Stop worrying. Just live in the moment. You cannot control the future. Many have tried, all have failed. The future will take care of itself. It will be whatever it is meant to be.
• Set your relationship free! When you feel the need to direct, help, or micromanage your partner, don’t. See what happens when you just let it be. If you are having trouble, ask yourself this question: Does this create more freedom in the relationship or less?
• Stop judging it. Your relationship is perfect. If you are judging, you are most likely being critical. It is hard to have fun, enjoy yourself, feel safe to make mistakes, or even be yourself if someone is criticizing you. Everyone is doing the very best they can. I know no one who says, “Let me do the worst job I can in this relationship.”
• Allow yourself to believe that the universe knows better than you do. The old adage “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it” comes from the idea that we often do not know how to get what we want, nor do we know what is best for us. The universe does, and if we let go it will make sure we are provided for.
• Enjoy! Have a new and freeing relationship. Allow yourself to experience a new level of ease and love.
Set your relationship free! Let go! Stop worrying about what it is or isn’t. Stop Worrying about what works for you and what doesn’t. Just be present in what is. Be present in the moment. Stop taking the temperature of the relationship. Stop judging it, worrying about it, and controlling it. Just enjoy it! Have fun! Set it free! Love!

©2007 Erika Morrell

Have a go. Anybody can do it.
—Allen Parker

Are you ready to have some fun? This month I am going to talk about an aspect of relationships that really jazzes me, collaboration! It is creative, expansive, educating, unifying, and a constant trip into deeper understanding. I will joyously talk about four aspects of collaboration: teamwork, commitment, harmony, and thriving. These elements allow a relationship to become an artistic expression of the two participants while they create this masterpiece entitled, “The Relationship.”
• Teamwork
Teamwork is defined as a “cooperative effort by the members of a group or team to achieve a common goal.” You and your partner are the “team”; what is your common goal? For most people it is to have a fabulous, nurturing, and Love-filled relationship. A relationship works very much like a team. Each person offers special talents and strengths. They have each developed certain skills, based on their life experience. These very different talents, strengths, and skills are used in combination to have the team be successful. One person’s talents do not make a team, nor could a successful team be made up entirely of players that play the same position. Teammates need to work together to communicate, to each play their position, and to both support the strengths and compensate for the weaknesses in their partner. Being a member of a team, you are asked to set aside your own individual needs for what will ultimately be best for the team. In a relationship you are asked to set aside your own needs, and Lovingly nurture the relationship. What is best for the relationship comes first.
It is not uncommon for me to hear clients complain that their partner is not like them. They do not take care of the house as good as they would, or handle money as responsibly as they do. Often each partner is looking for the other to play the same position as they do. The truth is, if one partner is stronger at managing money and the other is stronger at keeping house, as long as they are working together you have a good team. It is not about being the same; it is about supporting the differences in the way that makes the team stronger.
• 100-Percent Commitment
Collaboration means a 100-percent commitment to putting the relationship first. This requires that we learn how to deal with our selfish side, that our individual needs and wants take a backseat to what is best for the relationship. Everything is not “my way or the highway,” and we will very rarely get “what we want, how we want it, when we want it.” This does not mean we get nothing. This merely means that our needs are met within the framework of what is best for the relationship, and the majority of life becomes one happy compromise, and at times a not so happy compromise, but a compromise nonetheless. In those moments comfort can be taken in the fact that we have put the relationship first and that you are doing what is best for the relationship.
In putting the relationship first we are creating a Loving and nurturing atmosphere that allows each partner to discover how the other deals with different situations the best and where their strengths and weaknesses are. We learn how we can best support and communicate with them, as well as how we need to be supported and communicated with. We ultimately learn how to treat the other person as we would like to be treated. It is a constant state of consciousness.
• Working in Harmony
Working in harmony allows the ebb and flow of compromise to develop. It is in that way that each other’s strengths are enhanced and weaknesses are minimized. What is important to each partner becomes clear. How to meet one another’s needs becomes more clear. What we need and how we can accept it in the framework of what is best for the relationship becomes clear.
Harmony allows us the ability to view what is in the best interest of the relationship. In harmony we have the ability to view all the ways that the focus on me, can become the focus on we. “Who is going to get their way”—the battle that often exists between couples—starts to exist less and less. When the needs of one partner are in the “best interest of the relationship,” they are embraced. Before you know it, it becomes second nature to put the relationship first. You no longer ask, “What is best for me?” You ask, “What is best for the relationship?” Ultimately it is what is best for you and your partner. You are nurturing your Love.
• Thriving
Through collaboration partners end up complementing each other. There is a balance that is naturally struck. The discoveries that are made as an individual and as part of a couple let us gain insight into who we are at a deeper level. These insights have us understand our partner and who we are in relationship to them. We can start to let go of the insecure feeling of needing to control another person, the fear of not getting our needs met, and start to understand that our needs will be met. We will start to understand that our needs will be met even if it happens in a way that is not how we picture or are familiar with. We learn to trust that someone is there for us with Love, appreciation, respect, and support. Collaboration gives us the freedom to create whatever it is we want. No one has to change who they are or manipulate the other person. Each person is supported in being exactly who they are as an entire person, and from that a third energy is co-created, who the two people are together.
Collaboration is art. Be creative, play with it, have fun! Love every minute of it. Love.
©2007 Erika Morrell