You read me well enough to sense how I feel about you and what you do on this ship, but I just wanted to say the words. Thank you. Well done.
—Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation
We Love to hear nice things. It makes us feel recognized, appreciated, and Loved. Our expectation of the world is that we will be treated kindly, recognized for our efforts and generosities. The funny thing about Love is that sometimes we forget. Endless things take place in a relationship on a daily basis, life happens, and, yes, sometimes we forget, but more often than not we start to hold our Love relationship to higher standards then we hold most of our other relationships. As well we should. By holding it to a higher standard, we sometimes begin to take the other person and what they do for granted. As we get used to being treated better, that is rightly our expectation, but sometimes we lose sight of just how many blessings and gifts we receive. We are so lucky.
Hearing that you are Loved, valued, and appreciated for all you do never gets old. Being able to speak your Love, gratitude, and appreciation actually allows your Love to grow stronger. When you acknowledge an act of Love, your gesture opens up the other person to speak their Love to you as well. The acknowledgements and Love build on each other to grow the Love. The other bonus that acknowledgement gives you is the desire for both partners to give more.
Looking for acts of Love keep you focused on the beauty of the relationship versus the challenges. To feel and show your appreciation for your partner running to the store for you may help you to feel that the garbage not going out is really no big deal. As what we focus on grows (the laws of attraction), keeping our focus on the gifts of the relationship means we will see and be part of more gifts. To allow ourselves to experience and express more Love means that we will be filled with more Love.
One of the most common mistakes in relationships is assuming that because our partner knows how we feel about them, they don’t want or need to hear it. Yes, both partners should feel secure in how the other feels about them, but this does not mean that hearing about it does not make them feel good. Relationships are interesting in that at any given time there are moments of insecurity and deep vulnerability, and pressure, feelings that may be a product of the relationship or of life. Hearing Loving and supportive words helps to ease those feelings, especially when they are delivered without any statement or long discussion about how you are feeling.
Another beautiful way of expressing Love, appreciation, and gratitude is in writing. In my relationship, in which appreciation abounds, some of the words I hold dearest to my heart are the ones that the man I Love has written to me. When we are in a rough moment or I need to remember just how much I am Loved, I can go back to the cards and letters and read them. If I feel extremely passionate or appreciative, I often choose to write my feelings in a card or letter.
Lists that express why you Love and appreciate your relationship are another very powerful way to share your feelings and grow your Love. Sometimes when we Love someone, we never take the time to understand the reasons why we Love them. The greatest joy can come from the discovery that way more reasons exist then we would have thought, and that the one we Love brings us more gifts then we would have believed.
There are some of you out there who may be having somewhat of an anxiety attack when you think about expressing yourself more then you do right now. There is truly nothing to fear. It is not about being a poet, or even saying things in exactly the right way. It is as simple as paying attention to how you feel, and then expressing yourself to the best of your ability.
Ways to Express Your Love:
• Notice as many Loving things as you can.
• Begin to recognize how your partner expresses their Love for you. There are as many different ways to express Love as there are people. Everyone has their very own individual way.
• As much as you can, express your Love, appreciation, and gratitude in the moment. The moment will hold the most authentic and powerful feelings, but anytime your partner is acknowledged will be meaningful.
• Listen to the Love that comes back to you. Breathe it in. Allow yourself to experience it.
• Write your Love in a card or a letter. There does not have to be an occasion, just a feeling.
• Watch your Love grow.
The more you express yourself, the easier it will get. For those of you that are creative, you may find that you are driven to express yourself in creative ways. Allow yourself to express your Love in whatever way comes to mind. I was filled with such joy and thanks one morning, I wrote my expressions of Love all over the shower with bathtub crayons. Needless to say, he was surprised.
Love is not small. Words are not trite. We want the one we Love to be happy; they want us to be happy as well. The more willing we are to be conscious of what they give and the more vulnerable and verbal we are willing to be, the more likely our partner will be to take the same risks. When there is a constant flow of Love and appreciation, it only leads to more of the same, allowing us to feel a little more seen, a little more appreciated, and a lot more Loved. How blessed we are, how much easier things seem. What a beautiful world we live in.
©2007 Erika Morrell