Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.
—Mother Teresa
What if I told you that true Love existed for all of us right now? In this moment the Love we seek is right there ripe to be picked. What stops most of us from enjoying the fruit is how little we know about the tree. There is that tree that we pass on our way to work, to the grocery store, every day, maybe even two or three times a day if not more. We never really notice it. This tree may possess the most beautiful blooms; it may change colors with the seasons, and contain the most glorious fruit all year long. The truth is we fail to see it. Now if we had purchased the tree, chose it based on what it looked like, our expectation of how it would fit in our garden, how it behaved and produced, would be a constant focus of our attention. We would wait for the tree to fill our expectation of how it would look, how fast it would grow, and what kind of fruit it would bear. We often miss the tree that can provide us beauty and fruit as we pass it every day, not even noticing it.
Most of us have a very concrete picture of what Love looks like, as if we are going to go to a store and purchase it. We have a list of whom the person should be, what they will look like, how they will make us feel, as if Love can be controlled that way. We create an illusion for ourselves; if we can check off all the things on the list, then that is Love. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that is not Love. It is a lot of things, but not Love. Often our list of things that we are looking for in someone is based on our history, fear, the incomplete parts of ourselves with a little societal expectation thrown in for good measure. We have the idea that this list will lead us to the person that will complete us, fulfill us, and make us happy. It does not. It often leads us to the person who, after the initial attraction wears off, has very little, if nothing, to offer us.
Sometimes the list makes us turn our attention away from people who do not meet our criteria. My favorite example of this was a client of mine who had been dating a lot and was interested in marriage. She was talking with me about three dates she had gone on that week. She was planning to go out with two of the gentlemen again; they both met all the requirements on her list. There was no way she would see the third gentleman again, she told me. I knew that this man was her Soul Mate. When I explored with her the reasons that she was uninterested in him, it came down to four things that did not meet the requirements of her list; she was not attracted to him, he was not from the U.S., she did not like the way he dressed, and she felt they did not have a lot in common. So I asked her to please see him three more times, then after that I would drop it. Hesitantly she agreed. To make a long story short, they were married in Italy five years ago and are very happy together.
We spend a lot of time focusing on our lack of Love, trying to control how it will look and behave when it shows up. We spend our time trying to make sure we will find it in the form of the “perfect person.” So much of our time is spent in the pursuit of Love that we often miss Love, like we miss that tree. Well, what if we were to stop? What would happen if we were to begin to become observant of what and who surrounded us? Would we notice that tree, see it, appreciate it, eat the fruit that it so generously offered us? Or would we allow our expectations to cloud our vision?
To see Love more clearly:
• Find something to Love in everyone. Every person we meet has something that is worthy of Love. I think we sometimes lose sight of the fact that each and every person on this earth is a one-of-a-kind being. There are no two of us alike.
• Free Love! Be willing to let go of your expectations of Love. It will never be what we dream it to be. If we are willing to let go of our expectation of Love, it does have the ability to exceed our dreams.
• Stop looking for it. Be willing to see where Love already exists.
• Be willing to call a spade a spade. Attraction is not necessarily an introduction to Love. Physical compatibility is just that, physical compatibility.
• Accept Love in whatever form it takes. Just because it does not look how we think it should is not a reason to reject it. It is showing up in whatever form it does because that is how we are meant to experience it.
• Love takes time to grow, like a tree. If Love is allowed to grow, its fruit is ripe all season.
Love is always there. Our ability to have it goes along with our readiness to see it. Love requires us to let go of our expectations and preconceived notions of what it should be and what we need from it. It asks us to let go of the idea of perfection and our lists. It asks to be in the truth of it. If we do not have it, it is because we do not see it. We do not see the person clearly, what they bring us, who they help us to become. Free Love!
©2007 Erika Morrell